So I had been in a relationship for a little over eight years and bearing one child. What I thought was amazing turned out to be eight years full of lies. during this time there was woman after woman and I'm just finding these things out. We have lived together for almost two years and even during this time these things were going on. I'm trying to keep my head about water right now but it's SO hard. I'm questioning everything about myself even though I know I shouldn't. I'm a young woman that has been through a lot. I've been raped as a child and adult my relationship before was very toxic and I thought that i got away from those things. Idk how I couldn't see what was going on how could I be so blind. I'm ran low very very low.
All i do is cry and cry more. I try to keep it together for my children (I have another child from my precious relationship) but I'm losing. I'm a woman of substance. I'm educated, financially stable, all around well rounded how could this happen to me? I need a prayer, a hug, something that makes me feel human because right now I'm just a body getting through the day. I've been robbed of life from someone that I thought I knew, but he's a stranger. Idk how to get myself back. I know this is a bunch of rambling but I need help. I'm cowardly seriously contemplating suicide. I don't see any light at all.
I can't even put into words how much my heart hurts for you. I woke up this morning to this email, and I'm sitting here in tears. First because I am not sure if you're even alive. I want you to know that I am praying for you. I am praying that you are still alive, and I hope this message finds you in good health. Hopefully you are getting those beautiful children ready for school right now. I want to to tell you a story, a little over three years ago, I started Dear Mike for the first time. It lasted about 3 months. One day while i was out Christmas shopping, a young girl from Chicago was in a similar position. She was dealing with a heart break that also left her and her child in a homeless shelter on Christmas Eve. I was so busy trying to be a good Boyfriend to my girlfriend, that I left her email unanswered.
When I finally responded, I was notified that this young queen took her life the night before. She had a son. An innocent son that didn't do anything but live his young life. And now, because some man broke his mother's heart, and maybe because I took too long to respond, now her son must go the rest of his life without his mother's love. Where is the justice in this? Where is the fairness in this? You have two young children, who may not know love, who may not know heart break, but they definitely know their Mother? So if you choose to take your life, what i am going to tell them? What can i tell these kids about love, about happiness, about how life is fair, if me and you both fail them? So this means we can not. Sometimes when God knows that he's going to remove people from your life, he brings a couple people in before then, so that when he does take them, the pain doesn't hurt as bad. God knew these men weren't right for you, but he also knew that even though you're heart was going to be broken, he left you some glue to put it back together. Jasmine, that glue is your children, and as long as you love them, as long as you you put them and their happiness first. You will see how this glue will heal your broken heart. Trust me when i tell you, this will feel so good. Just give it time. This world is cruel place sometimes, and not all the people in it are rooting for you. I am, and I am always here for you.
I love you.